I had to go back on the old blog and just take a look at where I was three years ago…

My Anxieties

Posted by: ~R on: September 13, 2008

In: Uncategorized

Judy (my new therapist) wanted me to write down some things to talk about next week at therapy. So I decided, since the whole reason I am going there now is because of my recent, horrifying panic attack, that I would begin to list everything that makes me anxious, and I would like to share them with you. So far, this is what I have come up with.

-Holding things in. Someone hurts me and I just grin and bear it to avoid conflict. I let it eat away at me instead of stepping up and letting them know they have hurt me.

-Worry about making a mistake at work and getting in trouble (conflict) or getting fired over it

-Anxious about meeting with counselors/teachers at school about my kids

-Worried about my upcoming surgery

-Feeling stifled, like I can’t say things I want to say for fear of hurting anyone

-Worried about what my peers think of me

-Worried about something bad happening to our family

-Going to any kind of social event such as parties, holiday get togethers, meetings outside the office for work

and much much more.

Now I know these things may seem like normal, everyday fears. But to me they are much more than that. They make me feel nauseous, dizzy, and my heart pounds. I guess I make mountains out of molehills, but that is me, and I don’t know what to do about it. That is hopefully where Judy comes in.

Yesterday I decided to take the Ativan and cut it in half. So I took it twice yesterday and my heart felt fine. I will do the same today, and the next day, and the next day. Because I don’t have a depression issue, it’s an anxiety issue. And it sucks. But thank goodness for meds, because I don’t want to have a panic attack again…EVER.


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